Archive for November, 2015

November 30, 2015

#101) How not to complain #3: Noah Henry

Dear Mr. Henry,

First things first: I’m on your team. As a musician myself I couldn’t agree more with the basic premise of your recent article on Mandatory, “11 Reasons Music Sucks Now Worse Than Ever”. As someone who has been complaining about virtually everything for longer than you’ve been alive, however, I have a few suggestions.

You see, as enjoyable an activity as complaining is, it’s all the more rewarding when you get some sort of result for your efforts. My goal is to take your inherent love of music and your disdain for today’s climate and help you turn these feelings into something that may inspire action for your readers.


Right off the bat, you claim that “it’s been…proven that repeated exposure to a song makes you like it more.” Where? In my experience, it’s been the exact opposite: 25 years ago I listened to “Bohemian Rhapsody” and “Hotel California” in complete reverence; now I instantly turn the station when I hear a single sixteenth note. I’d also like to see a link to the Scientific American article you quote at the end of your piece.


There’s no such thing as agenda-free statistics; numbers can always be curated to suit the purpose of the curator. Yours don’t really tell a story. For example, so what that Zeppelin hasn’t had a number one hit and Rihanna has had 13? Apples and oranges. Michael Jordan never threw a touchdown pass; Ghandi was never voted People’s Sexiest Man Alive.


If all you do is get people who already agree with you to continue agreeing with you, you haven’t gained any ground. Yes, “the Billboard 100 is full of idiots, morons and losers.” Yes, “focus groups rule the artist.” Yes, “Everything is safe and easily digestible like baby food.” The indie songwriter reading this on a laptop connected to the internet via the neighbor’s wifi feels you, but your audience will be limited unless you are willing to reach across enemy lines. Most Taylor Swift fans are going to check out of itemized rants about how much she sucks after the first bullet point.


Long all you like for the days of Everclear, Third Eye Blind, the Wallflowers and Sugar Ray and the other bands that represent your good ol’ days of music; to me, they’re really not that different from Fun, Maroon 5 and Coldplay. (Okay, I guess Coldplay really are in a class by themselves when it comes to suck.) Today’s young Turk is tomorrow’s “Kids these days…” guy; in 30 years, graying millenials will wonder what the hell mid 21st century young’ns see in whatever tops the 2045 Billboard Hot 100. It’s hard to control peoples’ opinions. Respecting theirs, however inane they may seem, is the best way to be heard yourself. Sometimes people just need time to outgrow stuff.


Like Lynn Shepherd, the author whose JK Rowling rant backfired, you don’t seem to have a clear result you’d like to see. For example, what are the bands we should be listening to instead of the truffle butter (see what I did) that’s out there? In fact you explicitly bypass the issue, working in a potshot at hipsters in the process (say what you will about them, at least they’re at every crafts fair from Silver Lake to Brooklyn supporting their favorite cajon, ukulele and didgeridoo dubstep trio). Should we boycott Justin Bieber? Burn Adele pictures in effigy? Send our local radio stations vinyl copies of “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” to play instead of the latest offering from Ke$ha?

I know you mean well; you obviously care about music and I appreciate that. I hope that you’re able to find ways to get your message across that are inspiring, actionable and maybe just a little humorous. (Your opening line about only slitting your wrists three times while listening to the new Selena Gomez album is a good start; you may want to check out Axis of Awesome’s “Four Chords” video for more ideas.) Nothing gets done if someone doesn’t kvetch about it and with a little fine tuning, I believe you will soon be complaining with the best of them.

All the best

David Lockeretz


November 29, 2015

#100) Quitting my day job


For musicians and other creative types such as myself, the million dollar question is: when do you quit your day job?

In my case, it was ten years ago, a few months after I turned 30. (A while back I promised an over-wrought, existential rant to mark my 40th birthday. Guess what 30 plus 10 is? Besides, for post #100, go big or go home, right?)

By the end of 2005, my wife had just gotten a promotion. One of my bands scored a weekly gig and the others were working regularly too. My roster of private students was as big as it had ever been. We had saved some money. If there was ever a time to quit substitute teaching in the Long Beach public schools, it would be now. What did I have to lose?

Within two years, I had the answer: my marriage and my love of music. As both started to falter and then vanish, I would often find myself wondering if I should have just kept the day job.

Almost a decade later, now with a terrific marriage, a house, two great dogs, a good social life, a few bands that are doing pretty well and a newly discovered love of hiking and the outdoors that I’ve parlayed into a successful website and digital photo library, it’s easy for me to wave the “I regret nothing” banner. But what if things had not turned around in the way that they did? I believe that even if my life was worse now than it was ten years ago, quitting substitute teaching–my day job–was the right call.

While the stress of my music career certainly didn’t help my marriage, had I continued to substitute teach, or become a classroom K-12 teacher as I had once planned, we would have just swapped out one set of problems for a new one. A teacher for whom I once subbed had written herself a note on her desk: “Don’t take it personally; don’t take it home.” I likely would have done both. If I’d bypassed teaching altogether–perhaps if I’d actually done my homework and made an effort in school instead of messing around with music and had pursued a degree in law or medicine–I might have landed a better-paying job, but while financial stress played a role in my divorce, no amount of money in the world could have changed the fact that I simply picked the wrong person to marry. She was what I had spent my whole life not having and when I met her, all bets were off. It took several years to realize that while we might have had fun dating, we weren’t built for a lasting relationship, but try telling a male 25-year old to look at the long term picture. Just try, I dare you.

Would I have continued to enjoy music if I hadn’t spent hours teaching unmotivated students or grinding out the same grunge rock and country songs in bars? I’ll never know for sure, but while I didn’t have a choice in how my first marriage ended, I’m grateful that I have a choice with music and I’ve chosen to keep playing it.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned in the 10 years since my last day as a substitute teacher is that the results of a decision don’t necessarily dictate the soundness of the decision. We’ve all made mistakes that have been absent of consequences; we’ve all made honest, well-informed decisions that simply didn’t work out. When I gave up the lukewarmness of substitute teaching, I knew that I might get really hot or ice cold. Sometimes during the cold periods I would miss the lukewarm, but getting back there would have gotten boring pretty quickly.

I leave you with the words of GoPro founder Nick Woodman: “When I have a difficult decision to make, I imagine myself as a 90-year-old guy looking back on his life. I imagine what I’ll think about myself at that point in time, and it always makes it really easy to go for it. You’re only going to regret that you wimped out.”



November 11, 2015

#99) Where are they now? Catching up with former D-Theory celebrities

As this blog nears its 100th post, I’ve decided to mark that milestone (and I use the term loosely) by catching up on five subjects of past D-theory posts.

Stephen Quire (#11) is best known as the “World of Warcraft Freakout Kid.” Originally video taped by his younger brother, who goes by the Youtube handle “Wafflepwn”, Quire has not only entertained millions of viewers with his temper tantrums but has also inspired debates about whether they are real. The first video currently boasts an impressive 85 million views. According to the most recent video, posted in September, Quire, now in military school, has “stopped freaking out.” Or has he?

Samantha Brick (#40) wrote a controversial article for London’s Daily Mail in which she described the downsides of being pretty. Brick is still a regular contributor to the Mail; most recently a parenting article decrying “spoiled little emperors.”

Ian Bayne (#67) drew criticism for comparing A&E’s suspending “Duck Dynasty” patriarch Phil Robertson to Rosa Parks’ arrest. Following an unsuccessful bid for congress in Illinois, Bayne was most recently in the news for his September, 2015 dismissal from his talk radio show.

Lynn Shepherd (#72) is best known for her February, 2014 opinion piece about J.K. Rowling. At least one person has stepped up to defend her from the backlash that ensued. Shepherd was last seen in March, 2015 in an interview on the Killer Reads website.

Action Park (#79) was an infamous New Jersey water park that closed in 1996 following a long history of injuries and fatalities. The park was reopened last year, claiming to have kept the wild spirit of old, now mixed with more modern safety measures. According to this article, the park has reverted to its “laissez-faire” attitude, resulting in the shut down of a water slide.

Did I miss your favorite D-Theory post? Are you curious about what happened to Hans Url, Taylor Grey Meyer or Libby Zangle? Wondering if Route 11 is still in business?  Drop me a line in the comment section. (What’s the definition of an optimist? A trombonist with a beeper.)