Archive for April 12th, 2012

April 12, 2012

#42) Four years, three marriages, two rings, one wedding

Recently I came across a somewhat verbose posting from a friend of mine about his fourth wedding anniversary.  As I rolled my eyes, an interesting thought occurred to me.  I had first met this person at around the time when he was getting married. I was going to be doing some contract work for him and as we sat, drinking coffee and discussing how things would go, he made a comment to the effect of, “And I see you’re single, so you won’t be moving away from here with a woman.”

Legally, I wasn’t single.  But I had been living by myself for seven months at this point, and my soon to be ex-wife had officially requested a divorce a few days earlier.  I still would wear my wedding ring when I was getting together with friends or clients whom I didn’t feel like telling, but at this meeting, I had deliberately made a point of not wearing it.  Usually we buy clothes–or “bling”–for it to be noticed, but in this case, the comment about the absence of a ring meant that I had achieved my goal; one of many steps on the road from my marriage to my future.

Two months later, I wore the ring for the last time.  By this point, a few people already knew, and the rest would find out when they found out.  Either they would notice my bare hand and ask, or I would tell them.  I was tired of saying, “Oh, she wasn’t feeling well, so she decided to stay home,” or “Oh, she ended up having to work late tonight.”  The last day that I wore my ring happened to be my birthday.  My present to myself was a hiking trip to a remote San Diego County summit, Garnet Peak.  I spent the previous night at a friend’s house in San Diego and then I headed up to the mountain early on my birthday to watch the sun rise.  I buried the ring on the summit.

Later that day, a woman whom I had recently met online sent me a text message, saying she wanted to take me out for dinner to celebrate my birthday.  I had plans with some friends for later that night, but I took her up on it.  There was immediate chemistry between us, although neither one of us were sure if we wanted a relationship just yet.  But by the end of the summer, we were a couple.

Three years later, I was climbing Garnet Peak again at sunrise.  She was with me.  I had used the amazing sunrise that we would see a sales pitch to help convince her to accompany me on this trek to the middle of nowhere, but I didn’t tell her that there would be something else waiting for her on the summit as well.   As she stood admiring the view, I took a knee.  When she turned around, I was holding the ring.  She said yes.

Four years ago, I had no idea that any of this would happen.  It’s exciting, humbling, maybe a little bit scary.  But whatever else it is, it’s great.

So post away, and update your status.  I will read it, and I will get it.  Love songs that used to make me roll my eyes now seem relevant.  I see my future in old couples who walk hand by hand.  When you love someone, you want the whole world to know.  I know that I do.